Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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