I saw his package. It spoke to me.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
