dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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