I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
