So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
