i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
sarcasm needs its own font
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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