Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
