didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
