This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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