I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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