wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
