well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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