Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
