You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
