I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
