There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
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