I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
