You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
