ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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