Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We had to coat check the pizza.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
