??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
