I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
