he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
