all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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