Cold hands, warm shart.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
