is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
