i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
