i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
