Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
