If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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