I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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