My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
