And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
