We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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