my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
