Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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