Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
