After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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