So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
