We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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