sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
