i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
i think my cat just said my name.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
