Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
