Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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