She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
