Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
