the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize