While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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