when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Randomize
