I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
