You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
