So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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