when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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