names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
