i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize