its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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