i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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