Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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