i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
