im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
