I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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