I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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