So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
