I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
