I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
