Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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