Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize