i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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