he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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