New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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