he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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