is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
