so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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