I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
